Dreaming Blind
by Storyspinnerbah
Summary: You will never convince her loving and losing is worse than never having loved at all.
1. Discovery and Meetings

Dreaming Blind

By bahocean

Summary: "you will never convince her that loving and losing someone is worse than being without them at all."

Disclaimer: If you recognize them from CSI: NY, then they ain't mine. Otherwise, they are.

Feeedback: I LOVE Feedback! But no flames, my muse doesn't have marshmallows

Author's Note: I started writing this a year ago, and then quit. Therefore it was written before Season 7 happened. I found it recently, and decided to finish it. It's my first CSI: NY story and I hope you like it.

MS MS MS MS MS

She was far from perfect. She was messy, stubborn, ill-tempered, and hated getting up before morning had already made its presence known to the world. But because of her life and her choices, she made known to one man the road to healing grief, and showed two others the truth of their own hearts.

MS MS MS MS MS

Calina Caldecott was tired. She was grumpy. She was wishing fervently for coffee…and that was SO NOT her drink of choice! And she was also hoping that she had some duct tape around. Maybe Andra Montague would stop talking if her mouth was taped shut! Knowing Andra, though, that option was about as likely as tropical temperatures in Alaska. She sighed. "What do I have to do to get you to quit talking about this topic?"

Andra looked at her best friend since elementary school. Calina was smart, funny, sweet… and a pain in the ass when she wanted to be. Apparently, Calina felt like being dense too. "Humor me and do it!"

Calina scowled. "You want me to do this? Just out of the blue… Hey Calina, jump off the train? You feeling a little reckless?"

Now Andra's face wore a grimace. "Please. Do this one little thing. I won't bug you about it for at least a week."

"Can I get that in writing?"

"Ha ha Caldecott."

The aforementioned Caldecott woman stifled a grin, then a weary expression. "When and where?"

Andra grinned and hugged Calina. "Thanks so much!"

"Yeah yeah yeah. I really wanted to go on a blind date. Always been my dream. You owe me, Montague." She sighed again. "Ah, well. What's the worst that could happen?"

Those words could very well come back and bite the woman who said them in the…well, let's just say she could have trouble sitting down for the next little while.

MS MS MS MS MS

Calina hurried along the darkened New York City streets. She couldn't believe she had agreed to this. She HATED blind dates! Well, not so much blind fruit, just… Her mind was very unique. She shook her head at it, and caught the skulker behind her as she did. She sighed. She didn't have TIME to be mugged, blast it! She turned around, little defense bottle hidden in her hand. The would-be criminal stopped. "Okay, let's talk. I really don't have a lot of valuables on me. You really don't have time for a jail visit, which is what will happen if I scream in this nice neighborhood. So let's not do this, okay?" The mugger blinked, then swaggered. "Well if you can't scream, I'll be fine! Now hand it over." She shrugged. "Okay."

Then squirted the lemon-juice and cayenne pepper mix into his eyes.

As the man went down screaming, Calina picked her cell phone out of her purse. She turned slightly…and saw the dead body just out of the foot traffic of the Central Park West neighborhood. "Well, that's one way to get out of a date!"

MS MS MS MS

Detective Donald Flack Jr. had been having a couple of rough days…okay weeks…all right all right, make that a rough year. He was still dealing with the actions that had nearly messed up his relationships with his friends and co-workers. But in his defense, he missed her. He KNEW he wasn't dealing with Jessica's loss well, but he didn't know how else to cope. And it didn't help watching two of his best friends dance around each other like they were in the Bolshoi Ballet. He honestly wanted to lock Detectives Mac Taylor and Stella Bonasera in a room together until they saw that they loved each other as more than the almost freakishly close best friends they were! But he knew that until Mac saw and Stella admitted, and they both stopped running, they would continue their slow and shy dance. Jess would have helped him lock them in that room by now. She so would have groaned at Mac's newest attempt at moving on with his life.

As always, the thought of his late girlfriend, Detective Jessica Angell, brought a pang to his chest. He thought grieving was supposed to ease by now. Why was it still so hard to face each morning without her?

He snapped back to the crime scene, watching as the aforementioned blind idiots walked toward the body. The victim had been incredibly pretty, with long brown hair and a slender build. She had unfortunately been stabbed, by the looks of it, her blood staining the obviously expensive coat she wore.

Standing a few feet away were three people: two detectives and another young woman. She was attractive in a girl down the block kinda way: long blond hair, comfortable build, a coat bundled around her. As he glanced her way, the woman looked up and their eyes met. In them he recognized a kindred spirit: one who'd been wounded by life's cruel games. He walked toward the three, wondering about this woman. As he got closer, he noticed the color of those wounded eyes; a soft, dark brown. She smiled a greeting, following with a verbal one. "Hello, Detective."

Flack blinked once. "I'm sorry. How did…?"

"You crossed the crime tape, and you don't look like my idea of a M.E. Plus, your badge and no uniform."

Observant little warrior. He smiled, a smile that showed amusement. "I'll keep that in mind. Did you find the body, Miss…?"

Her whole face tightened in pain, then smoothed out. "Caldecott. Calina Caldecott," she said.

"And yes, I discovered the body. And though this may make me a suspect, she looks familiar."

Every investigative bone in his body peaked at the sound of THAT. "You knew her?"

Mac and Stella were by that time close enough to hear Don's comment. They, in tandem, swung to hear the young woman's reply.

She shook her head, then took another, careful look at the face of the young victim. She creased her brow, obviously trying for a positive ID. "Not know her, per se. Just seen her. My mother-in-law might…" that wince crossed her face again. "The woman in 512 East 81st might know who she is. Monica McGrath."

Oh, were the three detectives interested in THIS tidbit! "Your mother…?" Mac said, speaking for the first time.

"A script for a movie of the week I'd rather not get into. Monica's a wonderful person who's lived here for about fifteen years. I think the young woman lives around here too. If anyone would know her, Monica might. And I'm sorry to ask, but can I make a call? I have a promise to attempt to keep."

"Go right ahead," Stella informed her. "We have your information?" Calina nodded, then winced as she heard the voice of the reason she was in this spot at this time. "Calina! Calina!"

"Andra, I'm fine." Calina walked toward the stunning redhead with a willowy frame and hugged her. The three detectives, not intending to eavesdrop, heard the next words.

"You found ANOTHER body? How does this happen?"

Oh, did that get the attention of the NYPD!

MS MS MS MS

Mac Taylor was tired. That fact would be evident to a blind Seeing Eye dog. (Aubrey, somehow, had missed that fact.) He hadn't been sleeping well for days, and this new case was intriguing. That young woman, the witness, made him think of a song he'd heard somewhere, a song that haunted him with the refrain caught somewhere behind the curtain of memory. He wasn't interested in her romantically; he had enough trouble there, but she puzzled him. She had seemed so calm about the finding of someone she may have known and yet every inch of her tightened in pain at that slip of "mother-in-law". The way she spoke of the woman, however, held great affection and respect. It was all so strange.

The sound of his partner and best friend, Stella Bonasera's footsteps were clicking down the hall. It was sad that he knew those steps, the way he knew his own name. It meant he was probably spending too much time here. And he knew for a fact he was spending too much time here for Stella's liking. Why she cared so much… he shook his head. Better not to think of that.

Stella entered his office, papers and file in her hand. She sat down on his desk, her green eyes sparkling. "This is a very interesting case, Mac."

He grinned at her. "Do I want to know how so?"

"The witness was right. Mrs. McGrath knew our young victim. Says her name's Janice Tallentyre. Says she and the vic were neighbors, not incredibly close ones. She and her husband have lived in the area for fifteen years, and Janice moved in three years ago…with her boyfriend."

"We get a name?"

Stella looked mock-offended. "Don't you know me better than that? Steven Gladwell. He's apparently out of town. But I talked to a few of the other neighbors. Lately? There's been a young man coming to Janice's house when the boyfriend's not there."

Mac raised his eyebrows. "Sounds fishy."

"That's what I thought." She paused for a moment, a pause Mac took into account.

"What?"

"Well, it's nothing as regards the case, but I was asked how I found out she knew the vic. I told her about the wit. Mac, she almost teared up, she was so upset. Says the wit was, and I quote, "A brilliant young lady". She hasn't spoken to the wit in over a year. I was just wondering why."

Mac shook his head and smiled. Just like Stella, to get her curiosity riled. "Maybe they had a fight."

"Maybe. But I think it's more than that…Apparently, the wit- Calina?- has found two other bodies. And in both cases, she knew the vic."

Mac smiled slyly. "Well, well. That IS interesting. We should probably have another talk with Calina Caldecott."

End Part 1


	2. Learning New Things

Part 2

Calina lived in a small loft near SoHo. The building was well kept and the area somewhat lively. Flack rang the doorbell, surprised at the "Yo!" that came out of the intercom.

He shook his head. "Miss Caldecott? It's the NYPD. Can we speak to you?"

The young blond poked her head out a window on the second floor. "Depends on if you can speak, Detective." She grinned cheekily.

"Ha ha." He indicated his two friends." May we come up?"

"Yep. Give me a minute." Her head popped back in the window and the buzzer for the door rang. Flack led the way up the stairs.

Calina stood in her door, arms crossed. There was a smile on her face that looked a little unnatural there. When she saw the three people coming toward her, she straightened. "You're lucky. It's my "once in a mood" cleaning day. Otherwise, we might have trouble finding you a chair…or the sofa. Do you guys sit on the floor?"

"Not normally." That was Stella, liking the young woman. "Depends on the results we might get."

"Well, I won't make ya this time. Come in."

The place was small and tidy. Evidence of a recent cleaning did appear in the vacuum marks on the rug. The detectives found the small couch and chair, Calina at her insistence remained standing.

"Just a couple questions, Ms. Caldecott." Mac began.

"Calina, please. Ms. Caldecott's my brother."

Her smile turned genuine with the choking sound she heard coming from Mac. Don grinned, and Stella laughed. "You always so…funny, Calina?"

"Best way to fight what life throws at ya. You wanted to speak to me?"

"We have some questions for you. Do you have time to answer them?"

Calina bit her lip nervously. "Well..."

"We just have to clear up some things," Mac coaxed.

"Like how I always seem to be tripping over dead bodies? Three, I believe?" Calina said knowingly.

"Something like that."

*And how the dead bodies you trip over seem to benefit YOU,* was the random, not-entirely meant thought that came to the detectives' minds.

As if Calina could hear them, she became defensive. "The first body I found was when I was 20. I'd gotten work as a cleaner for an apartment building, and struck up a friendship with an old man. Mr. Winston was lonely, and I talked to him. He was supposed to meet me for tea, and when I knocked on his door, it opened. He'd been on his way to meet me, had another heart attack and died. I didn't kill him. I had nothing to do with killing ANYONE."

"Mr. Winston's family…"

"Are greedy parasites. I had NO idea until the will was read that he'd left me a hundred thousand dollars. Heck, I had no idea he HAD a hundred thousand dollars! The autopsy his son INSISTED on proved I hadn't done anything to Mr. Winston! If I'd murdered anyone, it would have been that jerk! Accusing me of killing his father for money! Hmph!"

Don stifled a smile. Obviously, this young lady was fond of exclamation points. Mac regretfully spoke.

"The woman you found last night was named Janice Tallentyre. Does that ring any bells?"

Calina gave the name some obviously serious thought. "Janice, Janice… hmmm. Sounds familiar like I said. But though her face is forever etched in my mind now, she still just looks vaguely familiar."

"Maybe her boyfriend you knew better? Steven Gladwell." Mac handed her a picture of abrown-haired man in his middle thirties. She gave the photo a good going over.

"He looks familiar. Matt might know…" Every ounce of color drained from her face. Mac, Stella and Don looked at each other, then the woman.

"Matt?" This came from Don.

Calina looked up. The color had come back, but her eyes…once again he could see the light of a wounded heart striving valiantly on.

"My… fiancée. Matthew McGrath."

"And where can we find Mr. McGrath?" Mac said, a little too sharply. Don and Stella glared at him reproachfully. Calina simply understood.

"Detective…Taylor, right? I can tell you where to find him if you really want to know."

Every ounce of pain and love that could be felt from one person was in her soft voice. Mac regretted asking, somehow knowing the answer.

"Please." He said softly.

"He's dead." Her tone was flat, almost as if they were telling her something she couldn't believe.

Again, the pain in her face almost blinded the three detectives. Two of them KNEW that kind of loss, the third could only guess, but with great accuracy.

"The second body you found…"

"Was my Matt."

Mac winced. "I'm sorry."

"His death was a fluke, right?" Flack said, sticking both of his feet in his mouth and wincing as he heard how that came out.

"I'd say the death of ANY thirty-two year should be a 'fluke', Detective," Ms. Caldecott said coolly. "The autopsy proves that I, again, had nothing to do with his death."

Stella murmured softly. "And yet, you feel responsible."

Calina's shoulders, stiffened when the questions began, slumped. "Matt's death might have been avoided if I had just INSISTED he go to the hospital! He'd been complaining of a headache for three days! I just figured…"

Don spoke, trying desperately to make up for his gaffe. "Are you a doctor in your spare time?"

Calina glared at the man. "No but I knew him…better than he knew himself at times.

I could tell you a million things about Matt, Detectives. That he preferred soda to coffee. That he watched cartoons and crime shows like they were going outta style. That he hated long pants and loved shorts. That the thing that impacted him most was the long drawn out death of his favorite uncle. The man had spent his life saying, 'What if I'd…' Then, when he was diagnosed, his uncle started to do everything he'd always 'what if'd. He made Matt promise not to live, or leave this life, with regrets, to prepare for the last day. Matt did almost everything he'd wanted to do. He died happy. And he died loved."

Calina spoke again. "Matt died because an aneurysm formed when he'd gotten into an auto accident burst. He was backing out of a parking spot when a 17-year-old rear-ended him. He couldn't have known what would happen. When I found him… It was, bar none, the hardest moment of my life. I didn't kill my Matt, detectives. I loved him too much for that."

Tears were rolling down Calina's face at the thought of the love of her young life. Stella grabbed a tissue and handed it to the other woman. Calina smiled gratefully. "Thanks," she murmured.

"It's okay," she said to the room...and possibly, Fate, at large.

Calina looked gently at the older man, then the younger, then the other woman. All three had suffered their own losses, had scars on their own souls. Yet they were soldiering trudingly along, trying to lessen the scars for others. The least she could do was help…or try to.

"Matt's parents are Mr. and Mrs. Jason McGrath. Monica," she said softly. "They moved here when he turned 18. He was always in and out of their house. And he knew a lot of their neighbors. Do you know if Mr. Gladwell has lived there a while?"

"Three years," Stella said softly, still seeing the opened wounds in the younger woman's heart.

"Then Matt would have known him…at least a little. Wait… Let me see that picture of Janice again."

Puzzled, Don handed it back to her.

"Now I know why she looks familiar! That coat!"

Stella nodded understandingly. The men just looked confused.

"Let me think… Yes! It was a party the McGraths had just about three years ago! They had one every year for the newbies in the area. I met Janice there. I remember because she was wearing this coat. I admired it, and she and I chatted about where she got it! I remember her saying it was a Deacon James coat, that they were friends and she got most of her clothes from his collections!"

Mac was skeptical. "You remember all that from one conversation?"

Stella understood. "It's the Deacon James connection, right?"

"Yes, it is. Deacon James is a small…and very exclusive designer. He designs outfits for women from the skin up. For special occasions." Her voice locked with pain. "Including wedding dresses."

Mac looked gently at the young woman. "I hate to ask, but…?"

Calina shook her head, obviously battling back the pain. "Did Mr. James design anything for me? No, I've never met him face to face. I'm a fan of clothes, you see. Pay attention to some of the trends so I can decide to ignore the ones I don't like or encompass the ones I do." She smiled, a little more naturally now.

The room was silent for a moment. "I don't know who killed Janice, Detectives. I wish I had a magic wand so I could tell you who did. I do know it wasn't me, and I've give almost anything not to have found her, found my "third" body." She rose, the three others rising with her. "I hope you find whoever did this. Life is too short… and too precious… to end it prematurely."

She moved toward the door that led to the kitchen. "I'm sorry, I have work to do. Can you show yourselves out?"

She left the room, wounded and silent, leaving Don, Stella, and Mac, to their own thoughtful silences.

MS MS MS MS

Stella Bonasera was late. Well, only ten minutes, but by her standards she had committed a heinous crime. She hated being late! Made her look bad!

Luckily, Mac was far easier on her than himself. If only…

She sighed. If, if if! If never caused anything but heartache in her life. Although Mac and Aubrey were no longer together, maybe BECAUSE they were no longer together, she didn't think she was ready to come right out and say, "Hey Mac, I love you. Do you think we could be together as more than pals?"

Funny. She could face down homicidal boyfriends, fires, even Greek diplomats, but facing the longings of her own heart… well that was tougher.

Calina spoke from behind her. "I seem to recall that look on MY face once before."

Stella jumped, then turned. The blonde was leaning against the wall of the police station, an amused, understanding expression on her face, her arms crossed. The Greek-born detective cocked her head, questioning without words.

Ms. Caldecott shook her head. "Another novel-length story. Listen, you probably already have Deacon James on your list of people to question, but I thought this might be helpful." She handed Stella a small gold medallion.

"What's this?"

"Entry into his shop. Only a few REALLY special people get into his inner sanctum. He's…not known for his people skills."

"Thought you said you've never met him."

Calina shook her head. "Not personally. I've spoken to him on the phone. Also, my best friend, Andra Montague, models for him." She smirked. "She's told me things."

Stella whistled, impressed. "And you don't think a badge is going to get me inside?"

"Knowing what she's said? Not without a warrant and a LOT of wasted time. THIS will get you in quickly. He'll have to deal with you after that."

Ms. Bonasera nodded. "Yeah, we tried to set up an interview. Not a great experience."

Calina nodded. "See?" Her eyes shifted, then became empathetic once again. "Detective Flack lost someone special a while ago, didn't he?" She nodded to the detective passing by, his eyes on papers in his hands.

The other woman was startled. "What, are you psychic?"

Calina snorted. "No, just observant. When it comes to other people," she muttered under her breath. "Survivors of trauma like that can generally see it in others. Plus, he studies me as if he wants a secret I've learned…and it ain't romantic interest that causes that."

Stella shook her head, admiring. "You're good."

"Thanks. I strive for excellence in all I do."

Stella spoke softly. "Is that the only reason you're here? To give me this?'

Calina smiled ruefully. "Caught, huh?"

"Yep."

"I'm not really sure why I'm here after that emotional debriding I went through, but something is leading me to try to answer some...other...questions you might have. Ya wanna meet for coffee later?"

Stella was curious about the "other questions" Calina was talking about. Curious enough to make arrangements to meet with the younger woman.

Then Stella spoke soothingly. "You'll be okay, you know. 'This, too, shall pass'... and all that."

Calina shifted. "This is bringing back some old hurts and griefs for me, but yes I'll be fine. I make being fine a habit." She straightened from the wall. "If you need anything else, you know how to reach me. Have fun with Deacon!"

MS MS MS MS

Steven Gladwell was tall, with brown hair, green eyes, and a grief-filled expression on a handsome face. He stood at the door of his house, not quite ready to invite Don and Mac in. "I was in Miami," he stated. "Flew back this morning."

"When did you last speak to Ms. Tallentyre?"

His face scrunched with pain. "Last night? She called me to tell me she was off to visit a friend. See, normally when I'm outta town on business, we set up a specific time we call one another, and Janice said she was going to be unable to call me later. Her last words were, I love and miss you. See ya when you get back."

"Did you know there was a man seen coming to visit Janice here?"

"Janice wasn't cheating on me," Steven said. "I don't care what ANYONE else says. She loved us too much to do ANYTHING like that."

Don wasn't so sure. The evidence looked to prove Steven wrong. They had processed the apartment and were sure they would find evidence of Ms. Tallentyre's stepping out on Mr. Gladwell. But wisely, the native New Yorker decided not to contradict the other man. Time would tell.

A young woman who looked like a feminine version of Steven came out of the apartment. "Steven? Are you all right?"

Both detectives looked at each other, then the young woman.

"My sister, Shannon Carson. I'll be all right at some point, Shannon. Just not yet."

She frowned, then addressed Mac. "No leads yet on who killed Janice?"

"We're working the case, Mrs. Carson. We'll let you know when we find the person responsible," Mac said.

"Well I hope it's soon!" Shannon replied, a little huffily. "I don't care what her reputation, Janice didn't deserve to die like that."

"Well, we're working the case, ma'am," Don said drily. "We don't like murderers on the streets. Bad for tourism."

End Part 2


	3. Interesting Observations

Part 3

Dedication: To all those who are still reading this. Thanks so much!

MS MS MS MS MS MS

Deacon James Designs sat on a relatively (for New York City) quiet street in Greenwich Village, surrounded by stores and restaurants. Stella looked at the two-story building, gearing herself up for what was coming. She'd heard from more than Calina that Mr. James was difficult to deal with, and she wanted to be ready.

She entered the building, finding a quiet chaos reigning in the reception area. A young, pink haired woman looked frazzled as she spoke on the phone behind a desk covered in papers and fabric. "Mr. James is booked SOLID on that day, Mrs. Ramsey. He doesn't have even 10 minutes available! Yes, ma'am, I know, but..." She saw Stella, rolled her eyes and mouthed, _ i'll be right with you._ "Yes, ma'am...I can do the week AFTER at 5pm for 15 minutes... okay, that's acceptable." She scribbled something on a calendar. "Yes, ma'am, we'll see you then. Thanks. Have a great day!" She hung up and sighed. "Sorry, that was one of Mr. James' most important clients. Doris Ramsey. Are you Mrs. Tidewell?"

Stella shook her head. "Detective Bonasera, NYPD. I need to speak to Mr. James."

The young woman quailed. "Can I ask WHY? He'll wanna know."

Stella smiled consolingly. "It's police business. If it helps, tell him I have this, Miss?" She pulled out the medallion Calina had given her.

"Jessi. Simply Jessi, and that will help a lot. But be prepared. He's gonna scream." She squared her shoulders, and picked up the phone. "Mr. James? NYPD to see you...No, sir, the detective wouldn't say...No sir, I KNOW you're swamped..." Jessi spoke louder, and quickly, "She has a gold medallion, sir... OF COURSE I didn't give her one!... All right, I'll send her in." She hung up, then sighed again. "He doesn't pay me ENOUGH," she muttered.

Stella smiled. "I know the feeling."

Jessi gestured to the door on the right. "He's in there. I hope you brought sunscreen, cause he's gonna burn your butt good."

Stella laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."

MS MS MS MS MS MS

WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THE NYPD WANT WITH ME?" It was said at a dull roar, and the the first words out of the taller, pale, balding scarecrow of a man who looked as if he should have been a mannequin for his shop.

Stella sighed inwardly. She decided to be blunt. "I need to ask you some questions about Janice Tallentyre."

Deacon blanched. "Why? What's SHE done that affects ME?"

Stella rolled her eyes, but spoke calmly. "She's dead, Mr. James, and more than one person has told us you're a friend of hers. I'm hoping you can enlighten us on some issues that have come up regarding Ms. Tallentyre."

Deacon went paler, if that was possible. "She's DECEASED? That sweet, annoying creature?"

Stella's interest peaked. "Okay, sweet, I've heard. Why annoying?"

Deacon huffed. "Annoyingly sweet. She tried to do the right thing ALL THE TIME! She was a drag for those of us who don't want to be perfect."

Stella quirked a brow. "And you were friends?"

"She made me like her. It wasn't hard," Deacon said the last part grudingly. "She was so nice, you see. She loved life...her house, her job, her fiance... it's easy to like someone you couldn't piss off very easily. She wasn't a pushover, mind you. She'd tell it like it was. If she had a problem with you, you knew it. She was refreshingly...honest."

"And yet she was seen entertaining another man when her boyfriend was out," Stella said. "But you wouldn't know anything about that."

Deacon suprised Stella with his next words. "You mean Andy?" He laughed. "Well, they did share a lot in common. They were friendly, loved New York, liked men... ya know, the usual."

Ms. Bonasera was startled. ""Andy'?" The other man was gay! Well, that changed things! " You knew about him? What's his full name?"

"Andrew Barnes. He was teaching Janice."

"In what?"

Deacon smirked, then sighed. "Steven loved dancing. Janice was...good, at best. She wanted to be better, both for herself and for Steven. But she wanted it to be a surprise. So she asked me to help her find a dance teacher. I recommended Andy. I knew she'd be safe with him."

Stella's light went on. "AH! BECAUSE he's gay!"

Deacon scowled. "I hope so. Otherwise, Colin, his partner, might be a little surprised." He went quiet. "Janice was a good friend, Detective. I don't have many good friends like Janice. She loved Steven very much, and she had a stringent code of honor. She would have broken up with him before she took up with someone else. I know that as well as I know my clothes." He scowled again. "Now are we done, or do I hafta yell some more?"

MS MS MS MS

Stella updated Don and Mac on the strange man she had interviewed that day. She had also followed up with Andrew Barnes, and found his story corrobated by evidence... there had been only one man in Janice's bed, and heart.

After Don laughed himself almost sick at Stella's description of Deacon James, and lightened Mac's and Stella's hearts in the process, the men informed the woman of THEIR conversations with the Gladwell/Carson siblings.

"So the people are telling us that Janice Tallentyre was trying to surprise her fiancee with improved dancing skills. Evidence is backing them up." Mac asked.

Stella nodded. "DNA matching Andrew Barnes is only in the den, the downstairs bath and the kitchen. Exactly as he described. His alibi track?"

It was Don's turn to nod. "Yep. Boyfriend and pals were at a Knicks game with him. Jumbotron caught them right at Janice's TOD."

"Convenient," Mac commented. "Okay what about Janice's possessions? Can we rule out botched robbery?"

"She had a purse with her. It contains her wallet, cell phone, e-reader...but no keys." Stella looked up sharply. "Her pockets didn't have keys either, and they weren't anywhere near the body. That's odd. She was right across the street from her house. Should we recanvass?"

"Yes," Mac said.

Don stood. "I'll get a couple cadets on that. Maybe whoever killed her did so to rob her after all."

He left, leaving a comfortable silence that was broken by a sigh. "Calina's alibi check out?"

"Yep. She was at her salon getting made up for her blind date. Statements confirm."

She nodded. "Good."

Mac looked questioningly at his partner. "She really got to you, didn't she?"

Stella nodded again. "She's so...valiant, for lack of a better word. Here's this woman who has had so much happen to her, and yet she's soldiering on despite it all, determined to see the good in things. I admire that in a person."

Mac spoke softly." I know someone else who shares those qualities."

Stella's eyes shot towards his, and he smiled. The silence came back fraught with unsaid words and felt emotions...

and was broken by Mac's phone ringing.

There's no telling what would have happened had that moment not been broken. All either knew is that a crossroads was coming in their relationship, one that had never been before and might never come again. And they would have to figure out which road to take and whether they would take it together.

End Part 3


	4. Light into the Past

Okay, here's the conversation you've been waiting for! (Well one of them) Enjoy!

Part 4

Calina waited at the coffee shopwhere she had arranged to meet Stella. She wasn't sure what was compelling her to relay information that wasn't relevant to the obviously dedicated detective's case, only to HER personal life, but something was telling her it wa a good time to do so.

"Hey." The quiet voice jolted her out of her reverie. Stella stood there, smiling at the younger woman.

"Is for horses," Calina twinkled. Stella laughed, then sat.

"What'd ya want to talk about? Something you remembered?"

Calina shook her blond head. "No, it's not relevant to your case. Something's telling me that you're at a crossroads in your life, and it just feels like..." She bit her lip. "This sounds presumptous, but it feels like sharing something with you may help you make the right decision."

Stella was stumped. "Huh?"

Calina shook her head. "Remember when I told you I'd seen that look on MY face before? I told you..."

"It was a novel-length story."

"Well, it is. There's something about you that reminds me of me two or so years ago." Calina paused. "Can I ask you something and have you be honest with me? It won't go any further than us unless you tell me it's okay."

Stella grew wary. "Depends on the question."

"Stella, do you love Detective Taylor? Mac?"

To say Ms. Bonasera was startled was like saying the sun was a light. She really hadn't understood that she was transparent until someone who'd known her barely a day pointed out what she'd been trying to bury.

Calina sighed. "That's enough answer for me."

"How...?"

Calina's smile was full of wry sadness. "When you've lived through a rare kind of love, you learn to recognize it in someone else."

Stella smiled sympathetically. "You and Matt?"

Calina nodded.

Stella sighed. "Tell me about him."

Calina smiled again. "Did you know we'd been best friends forever?"

"No."

"Well we had. We met as 6-year-olds. He threw a caterpillar at me, I stuffed sand down his shirt, and we decided to be friends."

Stella laughed heartily. "Sounds like the start to a great friendship."

"Tell me. We met Audra in second grade and she became the third musketeer, or third Stooge, depending on who you ask. She's always been my best girl friend, but Matt...he was my true BEST friend."

Stella nodded. "I know that feeling. When did it change for you?"

Calina looked thoughtful. "When I thought I might lose him to his last girlfriend. He played the field, but I knew he was my pal. He'd never let the ladies come between us. But when he started getting serious about Angie, I started getting jealous. He'd been MY friend first, not HER boyfriend. I ranted and raved to Audra about Angie. She was TOO sweet, TOO nice, TOO perfect! She was obviously hiding something big. One day, Audra laughed at me. LAUGHED! I was SO mad at her. Then she said something that made me stop dead in my tracks."

Stella was fascinated. "What."

"She said, 'The only thing that's a threat to you and Matt is you. Don't you know he's been crazy...romantically in love with you...since you started dating Scott?' Well, you could have knocked me over with air. Then Audra went on to tell me that HE'd ranted and raved to HER about Scott, who had been out of the picture for six months. She said she felt like Dear Abby."

"Then what happened?"

"Oh I denied it of course. This was MATT, my buddy, my partner in crime! No way was I in love with him. Then I realized WHY I'd never been able to commit to anyone fully. Matt was more to me than a friend. He was my soul mate. I sat down HARD and nearly hit the floor when I figured that out."

Stella laughed. "I can imagine. So at the risk of repeating myself..."

"I waited. I wanted Matt to be happy and Angie made him so. Besides, Audra could have been wrong. She'd been wrong before. About a month later, Angie moved to France, and I thought, Nah, I need to let him heal. She's just broken up with him. About two weeks after THAT decision, I woke from a really nasty nightmare. It involved my funeral and Matt attending it... with his wife. He was so happy in the dream. All I could think was it could have been me. Then I was determined it was going to be me."

Stella was enthralled. "How?"

Everything in Calina lit up. "I called him the next day. Told him I needed to talk. He came right over. Well, I told him my dream, and he asked me something."

"And?"

"He asked me who the woman was! I got so mad I smacked him in the arm! He laughed, and said he was just trying to get a rise out of me. Well I said he wasn't allowed to marry ANYONE unless I was the bride. Oh, that sobered him RIGHT up. He got serious and asked why. I told him because I loved him. He said..."

Stella was enthralled now. "What? What?"

Calina smiled. "That that worked for him, because he loved me too. We started dating that night."

Stella squealed. "That's so romantic!"

Calina laughed. "It was... and is." She sobered. "But Stella, it wasn't easy. We'd been best friends for so long dating felt weird at first. We had any number of fights over things like who paid for the meal. Who got to pick where we went. It took us a few all-nighters to air things that needed to be discussed. But love was strong... and still is."

Stella sobered as well. "Was it worth it?"

Calina's face softened with love and grief. "Oh, yes. Let me tell you something that most people are blinded by. Love isn't the be all and end all. People who tell you love is everything aren't really using their heads. Matt and I were lucky. We were two stubborn, independent people, but we were determined to be together. Friendship built our foundation strong. Love built the roof and walls, and the combination joined us together. I honestly believe that if we had married, we'd have been one of those old couples you see walking down the street holding hands 40 years later. But we weren't given that chance." Tears filled Calina's eyes.

Stella grabbed her hand. "You still love Matt."

"With everything I have. And I'm not ready to fall in love again. But I don't have someone like you do in my life, Stella. Mac is your Matt. He'll be there for you until one of you ends it...through marriage to others or death or running away. He loves you too. Don't let love slip away, Stella. You never know how it will end. But it's almost always worth the effort."

Calina sighed. "And there ends Caldecott's Life Lesson Number One. Like I said, something kept telling me that you needed to hear my story. I know that little voice. It nagged me to call Matt. I hope it's helped you make the decision you need to make... and soon."

Stella was touched. "Thanks for sharing it with me. And it has helped, I promise. I have some thinking to do."

Calina stood. "Well, I'll let you get to it." She looked down at the older woman. "If you need to talk, I'm here for you. Just call."

Stella smiled. "I will." She watched Calina walk away, a mixture of sadness, grief and love seeming to hang across the younger woman's shoulders. That must have been hard to relive for Calina, and yet she had done it to help Stella. Well, Stella had never been a coward. She wasn't going to start now. She did have some heavy thinking to do.

MS MS MS MS MS MS

Calina wandered the streets of New York City, just aware enough to keep herself out of danger, but not aware enough to"see" what was going on around her. That's why her name being called startled her beyond reason.

"Calina!" Don called one more time as he walked toward her. They met in the middle of the sidewalk, looking at the other.

"Detective Flack! Sorry, I was distracted."

"I can see that. And it's Don. Non-suspects get to call me that."

Calina laughed. "You working?"

"Actually I'm off. You?"

"Yeah, got the week off. Vacation." She made a face.

"Some start to the vacation."

"Tell me about it." She muttered.

Don laughed. He liked this young woman. She had a way about her.

"Hey listen, I'm not hitting on you, but you wanna grab a bite to eat? Or have you eaten already?"

"I have, but I'll be hungry later." She bit her lip. Damn that little voice! Too well-developed for her own good. "If you wanna meet me at Sullivan's at eight, you can. I'm not hitting on you, either," she said quickly. "It's just..." she looked at her watch and eeped. "I have somewhere to be in twenty minutes and you look like you wanna talk."

"Ya know, I kinda do," Don conceded. "Okay, Sullivan's at eight it is."

"Good. See ya there!" Calina walked away, muttering. "Stupid little voice, Can't mind its own business. Why couldn't I have a 'normal' conscience?"

End Part 4

We'll get back to the case, I promise, but I wanted to show this for a reason. It's pertinent to the story, I promise!


	5. Clearing Up Confusion

I know this is short but it's been so long since I posted, I wanted to make sure that you guys knew I haven't forgotten it. Enjoy!

Dreaming Blind

Part 5

The case was not the only thing on Detective Mac Taylor's mind at that moment. Being the type of man who could juggle, walk, talk, chew gum, AND calculate complex quadratic equations at the same time, this may not come as a surprise. (Not that he WOULD do all those things, but he COULD.) No, our intrepid senior CSI had the case on his mind. But there was more to his thoughts than that. The case WAS puzzling him a little. The people who may have HAD a motive hadn't done it, and the keys that could have disproven botched robbery had not been retrieved. But nothing had been stolen, either. According to Don, the boyfriend, when re-interviewed, had stated the victim had a ring on her keychain. It had been the ring her parents had given her on her third birthday, a tradition in the Tallentyre family, and it was a one of a kind. He looked at the picture. It was a sapphire ring with wings on either side of the stone. Not worth a whole lot from a pawn shop, but still, he had put out an alert on the ring, just in case it turned up.

No, what else was on his mind was his curly-haired, Greek-born, dedicated co-worker. Of course, that too is no surprise. Stella was on his mind a lot. But what surprised him was the WAY she was on his mind. He thought of her as an attractive woman, someone he could-and would- date if given the chance. That bugged him to no end. Usually when he thought of Stella , it was as his FRIEND. Her gender wasn't important to him, just her status. But now-now he wasn't sure if he could ever go back to thinking of her as simply Stella, his pal.

Mac scratched his chin. He wanted to think about the CASE, blast it! But for some reason, his brain had taken hold of the idea of Stella Bonasera as more than friend and run with it, saying tauningly, "Nyah, Nyah, Nyah Nyah, you love Stella!" That wasn't possible, couldn't be possible, was just plain NOT POSSIBLE! He refused to accept it!

"Mac? Mac? MAC!" Stella's voice came from the door.

He jumped. Apparently his almost fistfight between the heart and mind had REALLY taken all his concentration. "WHAT?" he said, trying to calm himself.

Then, as he looked at Stella Bonasera, Mac Taylor came to the disconcerting conclusion:

It was totally possible. In fact, it was downright PLAUSIBLE. He DID love Stella.

NOW what was he going to do?

MSMSMSMSMSMS

Stella looked at Mac confused. He had the strangest expression on his face. Almost like he'd been poleaxed by Paul Bunyan. Had she heard him right. "Excuse me?"

Mac shook his head then looked at her. "Huh? What?"

Stella shook her head, trying to hide a laugh. "You just said, NOW what am I going to do? About what?"

Mac looked briefly panicked. Nah couldn't be. Mac didn't PANIC. "Uh, sorry. My brain feels a little fried. That was directed at me."

Stella, naturally, was skeptical. "Uh-HUH." She cocked her head. "You sure?"

"Mac nodded vigorously. "Yeah, very sure."

She shrugged. "Okay. Anyway, why I came in. The results on the key search came back. They weren't found."

Mac looked releived to change the subject. "Oh, yes. Well, that either rules in robbery, or rules in someone taking them to make us THINK it was a botched robbery."

Stella rolled her eyes. "People watch too many crime shows these days."

End Part 5


	6. Hoping and Healing

Okay, THIS one took a little time to think about. I wanted it to be GOOD. I want to go back and fix the errors in the first chapters, but I know that if I do, this may never be finished. So I'll just work from here. Hope you like this one!

Part 6

Calina sat at a table in the prearranged meeting place, wondering about what the other party wanted to tell her. She had a feeling, but wasn't sure...

"Hey," came a voice beside her. She looked over...

to find Audra sitting there. "There you are!" Calina said

(What? You expected Flack? What would fun in that be? ;D )

"Sorry, got caught up. How you been lately?"

"Been trying to solve the world's problems again. Or at least my corner of it."

Audra was intrigued. "What's going on?"

"Let's just say I may have a future as a matchmaker if my current career doesn't work out."

Audra looked skeptical. "uh-HUH. Let me know how that's working for ya."

MSMSMSMSMSMS

Donald Flack sat at his desk, finishing up some files and thinking about his meeting with Ms. Caldecott later. He wondered if he'd gone slightly insane, wanting to pour out his troubles to a virtual stranger. Then again, people did it every day to therapists, counselors, and bartenders. Why should he be different? Besides, there was something about the woman that invited him to confide in her.

He wasn't sure, but he thought Jessica would have liked her.

Jessica.

The reason he was going to talk to Calina.

Now that he knew WHY she looked like the survivor of a particularly vicious soul-war, he wondered how she had come through it relatively intact.

He wanted her secret. How did you soldier on when the love you counted on to get you through wasn't there anymore? Was the memory enough? When did holding on to the memories turn into clinging to the past?

He'd seen the picture she kept in her apartment; a handsome young man with bright green eyes and brown hair, looking at the slightly younger Calina with love and a deep affection. Affection was harder to find than love, sometimes. He thought that maybe Calina and her Matt would have beaten the odds had he lived.

Flack looked at the clock. He was supposed to meet Calina in an hour. He'd better get going.

He looked at his picture of his own lost love. Maybe Calina could give him an answer of where to start looking when the "right and only one" wasn't there to look at.

MSMSMSMSMS

Calina looked at her watch. He wasn't late; it was eight oh one. She was just a little impatient. Helping people was one of her favorite hobbies and she thought she was good at it. She just had to be careful that HELPING them didn't translate into either trying to live their lives FOR them or letting herself get submerged in their problems. Matt had always said "ya walk a tightrope with THAT hobby, Lina. But you walk it well."

Matt. How she missed her man, her other half. She wondered what Matt would think of her attempt at matchmaking. Probably laughing his head off right now in heaven. Calina sighed. How she wanted him HERE!

"That was a sad sigh."

She looked up to see Don Flack standing there. "Just thinking melancholy thoughts, I guess." She gestured to the seat next to hers. "Pull one up."

"Thanks." He sat. They had a comfortable silence that was broken by Don's sigh. "How do you do it?"

Calina cocked her head. "Do what?"

"Live with missing someone. Handle the love you can't give them any more."

Calina thought for a moment. "I take it you still love her?"

Don nodded. "Oh, yes."

"Then love her. Give her what's in your heart, even if you think she can't return it. One day, you'll turn a corner, and you'll realize you're not looking for her there, and you'll be okay with that."

Don looked pleadingly at Calina. "When?"

"Did you know Matt was a planner?"

Don was nonplussed. "No."

"Well, he was. Planned for everything. He even planned his death… well, how his estate (man what an ugly word!) would be divided. He left me most everything, told me that my bills would be taken care of and that I should take advantage of the six months he was paying for to grieve. So I did. I spent a month holed up in my apartment sobbing and wailing. Trying to make bargains with God. Getting ragingly furious at Matt for dying and changing all my plans. Then one day, I got up, looked at my filthy apartment, my messy hair and clothes, and I knew the worst of the grief was over. His planning and kindness gave me the grace period I needed to heal. I still miss him. Every day I reach for the phone to call him. But I don't turn around expecting him to be there anymore. Does that make sense?"

Don looked gloomy. "No."

Calina laughed sympathetically. "I know. How long has she been dead?"

"A year."

Calina nodded. "Long enough in time, but not so long in the way the heart measures time. People telling you to get over it yet?"

"Oh Yeah."

"Would she be telling you that?"

Don looked surprised. "Huh?"

Calina smiled sadly. "For three years people have been telling me that I was grieving too long. Like there's a time limit on love. Audra sent me on a blind date because she wanted me to have a social life. I know what the world sees… a woman shattered by the death of her young soul mate, and unwilling to try again. They think I'm holding on to Matt's memory to avoid risking my heart again. But what the world doesn't realize is I had the best life had to offer. I won't settle for anything else just so They'll be satisfied. Matt wouldn't want me to grieve forever, but he WOULD want better for me than settling. You have to think if… What's her name?"

Don sighed it. "Jess."

"…Jess would want you to grieve this hard this long."

Don scowled. Do YOU think I'm grieving too hard?"

Calina shook her head. "I don't know. I would never presume to tell ANYONE how to grieve, especially not those with guns."

Don laughed unwillingly. "She would have liked you."

Calina smiled. "I would have liked her, I think. Strong women like us have to stick together, ya know."

"She was also a friend of Stella's."

Calina nodded. "Ah. That explains part of HER pain. Friend love can be stronger at times than romantic. It can also leave some of the same scars.

Being loved and in love changes you. For the better…and the worse, sometimes. But when it's right, when it's true, when it's deep…it's the best. And when you've had the best, you have a long way you can fall."

Don cocked his head. "How'd you become so wise?"

"Long years of practice, experience, and observation. Also, I read of lot of Hallmark cards." They laughed, then Calina spoke again. "I hope I've helped you, Don. You look like you've been through battle, in more ways, on more fields, than one. If I've eased your heart even a little, I've done good."

Don took her hand, not as a romantic gesture, but in solidarity. "You have, Calina. In more ways than one. So I'll get past this?"

Calina shook her head. "You'll get THROUGH this. Past implies you get over what harms you. Through implies you learned from it."

Don nodded. "Good point." They sat in silence for a moment…

Then they were interrupted by Calina's and Don's phones ringing together. They looked at them, then each other apologetically. "I have to take this," they said together, then laughed again.

"Flack."

"Caldecott."

After a moment of listening, they said, "Right," then hung up. Calina spoke first. "You have to go and I have to do the same. But you can call me, Don. 7/24. Anytime, okay?"

Don nodded. "Thanks for listening."

Calina smiled cockily. "Hey, that and make a mean brownie are what I do best."

End Part 6


	7. Surprise, Surprise!

Okay I'm fighting the dreaded monster RL. It's trying to distract me with things like work and sleep. Silly monster! But I have some time and the muse is running rampant in my brain, so here we go…

Part 7

It had been two days since Don and Calina had discussed their problems. Don was working the Tallentyre case, as were Mac and Stella. The results had come back on the coat; foreign brown fibers found near the stab wound entry point. After working forensic sleight of hand, our top CSIs concluded that the fibers belonged to… a glove. A winter glove, at that.

"Which only makes our killer smart as well as cold, in both senses of the word," Stella observed.

Mac was observing too…observing Stella in her bright green sweater and tan trousers, a gift from Deacon James. The note said, "Because you annoy me less than most people."

Don HAD laughed himself sick at that one.

Mac liked Mr. James' style. Or maybe it was the woman in the clothes he liked. Heaven knew THAT thought had added to the reasons for his sleepless nights!

Stella turned and eyed her best friend, boss and love of her life. (Boy was that man busy!) "Whatcha thinking?"

*You, me and a hot tub, NOW.*

Mac sincerely HOPED that THAT wayward thought had not made it to his lips. "That you have learned well the ways of the CSI," he said playfully instead.

Stella turned again to hide her smile. If this was how Mac reacted to Deacon James clothes, she was buying the man out!

"Thanks to you oh learned one," she replied in the same manner. "Feel like buying me lunch to celebrate that fact?"

"How about dinner instead? I have to meet Don."

"Cool. 8 alright?"

"It's a date."

Both of them froze at those words.

Stella's thoughts were something like:

It's a DATE? How did it become a date? What should I WEAR? And my hair! Did he mean it? I hope he meant it! I really want that!

Mac thoughts?

GUH!

Stella cleared her throat. "Okay Eight then. Oh and Mac?" She headed toward the entrance.

Mac looked at her.

SINCE it's a date, I expect flowers." With a wink, she was out the door.

Never before has the New York City Crime Lab's Evidence Room seen Mac's expression before.

It went from:

befuddlement

to confusion

to happiness.

To sheer joy.

"She said DATE!"

Then the words that Mac had probably never said before.

"What am I gonna WEAR?"

End Part 7

Yes, I'm ending it there. I'm a stinker (evil grin)


	8. Which Door to Choose?

Part 8

Okay, I'm BACK! Didja miss me? (crickets chirping) Sheesh, tough crowd. Well I'm back anyway, at least temporarily. RL LOVES to kick me in the…shins. My goal is to have this story finished, re-edited, and up by New Year's Day. Hopefully, I can make it! (Only 19 days to go!) Anyway, onto Part 8, which you'll either _LOVE_or _HATE_…(eveil snicker)…

The date was an unmitigated disaster.

Mac's car broke down on the way to get Stella. Stella's dress caught on a nail thirty minutes before Mac was due. The restaurant they had reservations at had a kitchen fire. The movie theater didn't have ANY movies they could agree on seeing. In short, they weren't having a great first date.

OR…

The date was an unqualified success.

Clothes looked perfect. Hair and makeup fell into place. The restaurant had exactly what they wanted. The theater was playing a movie they BOTH wanted to see. In short, the date we ALL want to have.

OR…

The date was a mix of good and bad. Mac's car DID break down on the way to pick up Stella. Stella's outfit DID catch on a nail. But Mac's car breaking down avoided an accident not two blocks away, and Stella found the dress she had ORIGINALLY wanted in the back of her closet. So it worked out okay in the end.

Wanna see the rest of the date? I pick…

DOOR #3!

Stella answered the door. Mac thought he'd have a heart attack. Her curls were pulled back by two diamante butterfly-shaped clips. She wore a dress the clor of sky at midnight, and the dress fit her curves perfectly. Her heels put her at eye level with him.

Kissing level, his gleeful mind thought. Mac smacked the thought away, but it refused to go far. Suddenly, he realized he hadn't said anything "H-Hi," he said lamely he thought.

When Stella opened the door, she thought she'd have a stroke. He was wearing a dark blue suit with a light blue shirt. He was freshly shaven, and his aftershave was really attacking her senses. He was the man of dreams stepped out of them. Then he stuttered, obivously nervous, and HER nerves disappeared.

"Hello," she said, and hugged him.

The hug loosened something in Mac. She obviously wanted this to work, and just as obviously wanted to be friends even if it didn't. All Mac knew was that HE wanted them to be more. He hugged her back, easing himself more with the scent of Stella Bonasera.

As they waited for the elevator, as they went down in the elevator, as they were walking to the car, they fund themselves chatting comfortably like the old friends they were. Mac needed that after seeing the back of Stella's dress, or lack of, when she had turned to get her coat.

"So, how'd you keep from getting gunk on you?" Stella asked.

Mac flushed. "Lab coveralls and gloves."

Stella laughed.

Calina had mentioned a restaurant she wanted to Stella to try when they had been talking last. Stella had mentioned it to Mac when he called about reservations. Now, as they walked into the place, they were impressed. The dining room was comfortable without being shabby, and off to one side was a small stage and piano. They looked at each other and nodded. Mac gave his name to the hostess, and Stella and he were both surprised by her reaction. Her eyes widened and she sighed. "Are you Stella?" the hostess asked, and Stella answered warily. "Yes. Why?" "Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Right this way please. I have a…special…table for you two." The wanna be couple exchanged looks, then shrugged.

The hostess seated them a table near the stage, and told them to enjoy their evening. She wandered off, giggling slightly. Mac looked askance at Stella "What was THAT about?" She shrugged. "No idea! But let's enjoy the evening while we're here."

Other than the waitress who wa ALSO all sighs and giggles, the food was great. The place had a hodgepodge of dishes, from Thai to Mexican to cheeseburgers, and they had a decent selection, so they enjoyed dinner. They spoke of shop and sports and music and movies.

Then came a surprise. The lights dimmed slightly and the stage lights came on. The bartender picked up a microphone and spoke into it. "We have a special treat tonight. One of our owners has a great voice, loves to sing, and has agreed to perform tonight. Says it's a special occasion! You regulars know what a treat that is. So please welcome, Calina Caldecott."

Mac and Stella nearly choked.

Calina stepped onto the stage, microphone in hand, She winked at the hostess and then spoke "Tonight, I have two new friends here and I hope they're enjoying themselves." She smiled at the Taylor-Bonasera table. Calina then spoke again. "This song is a particular favorite of mine, and I hope you all enjoy."

She started to sing.

I've waited o long now

I've wanted forever to hold you

And now you're in my arms

And I'll never let you go.

Mac did somethignthat surprised them both. He took Stella's hand, brougt it to his lips and kissed it. Stella sighed, smiled, gently pulling it away. Before Mac could be hurt, she gently caressed his cheek. Mac held it there and their eyes met.

Calina saw it all. She started the chorus. Her voice was clear and pure.

I've been looking for you

Since I took my first breath

And I'll be loving you baby

Till I take my last

Her eyes swept the audience, resting on Mac and Stella. She found her heart swelling as she watched her two new friends take that first step from friends to more. They were making a start on that twisted, confusing, rocky, worth it path called love.

She was glad she was here to see it.

The rest of the date was an unqualified success. Let's just leave it at that.

End Part 8

The somg Calina sings is "Looking for You" by Amy Grant. I want it played at my wedding…whenever that may be! Hope you enjoyed this part!


	9. Understanding Dawns

Okay, so I didn't make the New Year's 2012 deadline. Dang it! But here's the next part anyway!

Part 9

As Calina sauntered down the street, she tightened her coat around her. Dang, was it cold! But even with the cold and the annoyance of having to crunch numbers with her partners, it was a great mood kind of day.

Especially since her serenade last night had been appreciated.

Calina grinned. Stella had called this morning to thank her for both the restaurant rec and the singing, as well as the discreet leaving them alone after the performance. That last part was simply Calina's way. She knew when she and Matt had been on THEIR first date, SHE just wanted to be left alone with him.

Matt. She sighed. Oh, well, at least the memories of him didn't hurt quite as much anymore.

She turned her mind to Stella and Mac…always fun to matchmake when the couple was already three-quarters of the way there anyway. Made her job a lot easier.

"Calina?"

The sound of Mac's baritone made her jolt. She silently cursed herself. Good way to get mugged, Caldecott! She looked around. Yep, standing in front of the building that housed the police department. She then looked at Mac. "Hey, Mac."

Mac laughed. "Forgot where you were going?"

"Something like that." She paused, but had never been known for her ability to watch for cliffs before leaping. "Did you enjoy dinner last night?"

Mac smiled. "Yes thank you. And the singer was excellent."

Calina blushed. She knew Mac wasn't given to hand out compliments lightly. "Thank you." She then turned slightly sly. "And your dinner companion?"

Mac turned sly as well. "Also enjoyed the restaurant."

"Well that's good to hear."

Mac laughed again, surprising himself. He did like this woman. She made a good acquaintance.

"Can I ask you something, Mac?"

"You just did."

"Ha, ha, funny guy."

"Yes, you can ask me something else."

"Why haven't you talked to Don?"

Mac was puzzled. "I talk to Detective Flack all the time."

"About Jessica. Why haven't you told him about how YOU'RE grieving?"

Mac was startled again by how intuitive this young woman was. "I don't really know. It's just never come up."

"I don't mean to pry, really. It's just something about your eyes that tells me you've known the kind of loss we have… that losing of a soulmate. You did, didn't you?"

Mac nodded, solemn. "In 9/11."

Calina was uncharacteristically solemn. "I'm sorry. It's just that you know the raw edges grief can scrape in you. I just thought since you knew, you would try to help Don-Detective Flack," she corrected herself, "through them. After all, knowledge is power."

Mac pondered that. "You're right. And it's not that I haven't tried. It's that when I did…"

She nodded. "He wasn't in a listening mood. And then you just…"

"Never tried again."

"Yep, just checking."

"How'd you know?"

Calina thought for a moment. She had to word this properly. "I'm a human nature student. And I guess I'm somewhat naturally intuitive. Having observed the detectives on the case, I noticed that they were friendly and wary with one another, but good friends. Two have known that heavy grief that can sap you, the third has known grief, but in a different context. Two don't know how to help the third. Then seeing them interact, and talking and observing them, I realized something about all of you. You're all very compassionate in different ways. You would not allow one of your friends to suffer if you could possibly help it. I think you tried and were rebuffed, and in such a way that you weren't willing to try again. Not because YOU were hurt, but because you didn't think it would help HIM."

Detective Taylor was impressed. "You ARE good at this."

"Lots of practice." She smiled softly at him. "Mac, sometimes advice, or comfort, is easier to take from a stranger than a friend. Not because the friend in unworthy or wrong, but because the friend's almost too close to the emotions. Plus, as you know, time dulls the edges of grief."

"So you were there at just the right time?" Mac meant to sound a little sharp. It came out almost wistful.

"Something like that. Mac, I think he's ready to listen if you'd like to try to help him. He needs to talk to someone a little further removed from the sorrow than I am."

Mac thought for a moment. It had been a long time since Claire, and sometimes the thought of her cropped up to stab his heart again. But he'd always had Stella to help him through the grief and pain. Who did Don have?

"All right, I'll try. But have bandages ready in case he slices me to ribbons with his razor sharp tongue."

Calina snorted. "I think you can handle him." She smiled. "I think you BOTH need to talk, Mac. You also need to speak to someone else."

Now Mac was puzzled. "Who?"

"Your soulmate… or the one that's gone."

Claire. THAT thought stabbed a little. "Why?"

"You need to feel it's okay to move on with Stella. You can't do that if you haven't cleared it in your own mind that she would want that for you."

Mac tilted his head, pondering that. Calina put her hand on his arm. "Trust me. Talking to both of them is the key to your happiness."

Something Calina said—everything Calina had said—resonated with Mac. But what she said about the KEY… Then it hit him.

"Calina, I have to check something. But thanks." He paused. "For everything." He was off before she could speak.

Calina was puzzled. "Now what did I say?"

End Part 9


	10. Finishing Up

This took me FOREVER to write! Thanks so much to Lily Moonlight, who reminded me that I wasn't finished, and that there was story that needed to be told. This part is for you.

Part 10

Shannon Carson sat in her living room, having just offered the NYPD detectives some refreshments and been gently refused. She looked imperious and impatient, like she had more important things to do, but was being a good citizen in sparing them some time.

Which made what she said next that much more startling. "How did you figure it out?"

Mac Taylor and Detective Don Flack were stunned to hear her admit it. Their faces did not reveal their surprise, however. "Why don't you tell us HOW you did it. And how you found out about Mr. Barnes."

Shannon shrugged. "I live three houses away. I was walking home when the door opened and he and Janice came out. She hugged him and shut the door. He walked down the stairs, whistling. Neither one saw me. I was furious. Steven deserves better than that—that—two-bit tramp!"

NOW she wasn't imperious. She was irate at the thought of her beloved brother being cheated on.

Flack spoke. "So you waited. Made dinner plans to confront her?"

She nodded. "I wanted her caught off guard. I waited until dinner was over to say anything. Y'know, she actually denied cheating on Steven! We had been cleaning up the table and I had just grabbed the knife. Janice grabbed her coat and left. I followed her. We argued some more. She turned toward me, and slipped. I swear she slipped! I just wanted her to stop betraying my brother. But I panicked. I threw down the knife."

"And the keys?" The voice came from Steven, who had obviously just walked in. He looked like someone had taken what little life he'd had left out of him.

Shannon turned toward her sibling, agitation making her clumsy. She slid a little on the couch. "Steven! I swear, I was just—"

"She wasn't cheating on me, Shan."

"I SAW HER WITH HIM!"

"Both Deacon and the "other man" verify that there was no affair," Mac said calmly, hoping to avoid a scene.

Both Gladwell siblings turned toward him. Steven spoke first.

"I already know that."

Flack spoke next. "You also knew your sister killed Janice."

Steven shrugged, his eyes filling with tears. "I almost doubted Janice was innocent, y'know? Almost thought, Yeah, she could have turned to another man. It took Mr. James reminding me of Janice's personality to remind me. She was too honest to cheat on anything." He turned to his sister. "Janice was learning to dance better, Shannon. She was going to surprise me on our wedding day. You should have known better, too. Instead, you killed her!"

"How did you know?" The three voices echoing one another would have been funny if the matter under discussion wasn't so serious.

Shannon spoke again to the detectives. "Wait, how did YOU know?"

"Steven knew because…?"

"Shannon cleaned up the house."

The detectives looked puzzled.

Steven sighed gently. "Janice was not a slob, but she wasn't a clean freak. But she knew I liked coming home from a long trip to a clean house. She always waited until the day I was due home to clean up. Several friends were coming over to help her."

Flack spoke. "And you weren't due home for three more days."

"Yet the place was cleaned up. Then the alarm system."

Mac looked at his partner. "That's what got our attention, too."

Shannon looked nervous.

Steven looked at the detectives. "The system registers which code is entered to turn it off and on. Janice's KEY was used, not her code."

"That code was yours, Mrs. Carson. AFTER Janice was killed. I have to ask, though. Why did you clean the house? There was no blood here." Mac was curious.

Shannon shrugged and mumbled something. Both of the detectives leaned forward.

"What?"

She spoke again. "Steven liked coming home to a clean house."

All the men looked dumbfounded. Steven spoke first. "I'd rather have come home to Janice."

Shannon Carson began to cry.

MS MSMS MSMSMS MSMSMSMS

Mac stood at Ground Zero, his hands entwined in the chain link fence, his head down, talking to his late wife.

Stella and Calina stood, just out of sight and earshot of the man at the fence, watching him.

Calina had been astounded when they told her the news of the murderer. "All that heartache for nothing!" was her comment. Now, she and her new friend watched the love of her friend's life talking to the ghost of the woman who had been the FIRST love of HIS life. (Whew! Talk about complicated!)

Stella spoke first. "He really loved her."

"Of course he did. Does that mean he can't love you just as equally? Nah. Just means he knows HOW to love you."

Stella turned to the younger, wiser woman. "How'd you get so smart?"

Calina shrugged, a wry, grief laced smile in her eyes, on her face. "Practice. Observation." She paused. "Hope."

Stella nodded wisely. "Observing your parents, huh? Great love there too?"

"My parents? Nah. Oh they loved each other, but it wasn't the GREAT love I observed. No, that was Matt's parents." Her voice softened with pain. "They love each other so hard, and are such GOOD people."

"Then why the separation from them?" At Calina's surprised look, Stella elaborated. "I spoke to Monica McGrath. You haven't seen her in over a year?"

"Well…" Calina squirmed. "Not up close. I follow them every once in a while."

Stella laughed a little, then smiled. "Too hard to see them 'up close'.

Calina's answer surprised her. "They don't want to see me."

"Of course they do!"

"Jason…Jason doesn't want me intruding."

"Now when did he say- Over a year ago." Stella answered herself.

"Calina looked up, tears down her cheeks. "How?"

"Something his wife said." Stella put her arm around the crying woman. "The funeral happened 18 months ago, right? Didja ever think that he just needed a little space, not a continent? I think he regrets it now."

Calina sniffed, hope brightening her eyes. "You think?"

"I think. Try again. You never know." She paused." Unless, you don't WANT to see them."

Calina snorted. "I just said I've been following them. Does that sound like I don't want to see them? They loved Matt like I do."

"Well then-?"

Calina thought for a moment, then looked sly. "I'll make you a deal. I'll face MY fear of rejection if you face YOURS."

Stella was flummoxed. "MY-? I don't."

Calina turned to the man, still standing by the fence. He looked more at peace now, like a question had been answered to his satisfaction.

"Mac."

Stella also looked at her heart's desire. "But—"

Calina spoke urgently. "Don't let fear take him away, Stella. His OR yours. Your chance to be different than friends is here. It may never come again. Do you want to risk that? That's one risk I'm glad I never took. I have so many great memories of matt, Stella. Don't let the day come when all you have are regrets."

Stella took a deep breath, letting the young woman's words fill her head. Her heart didn't need convincing.

"Deal."

Calina looked startled, then grinned. "Deal." She shook Stella's outstretched hand, then hugged her. "Be happy," she said, then turned the older woman and shoved her gently at Mac, who had seen them and was walking their direction.

Stella stopped halfway to him, then turned her head.

Calina was gone.

She turned back…to her future.

Calina smiled from her post behind a tree, then turned herself and walked away as Stella reached Mac and put her hand on his shoulder.

She didn't need to see any more.

MS MS MS MS MS MS MS

She was far from perfect. She was messy, stubborn, ill-tempered, and hated getting up before morning was well on its way. But she had lived her life in love and grief and had shown three people that possibilities still existed, that love could stay when the one you loved was gone.

But, most importantly, she had reminded them that hope still lives in the heart that makes room for it.

For that, they would never forget Calina Caldecott.

And neither will we.

End part 10


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